Sick to my stomach

I have a "thing" on the horizon. It's something that has became a prospect in my life just within the last few days. To achieve this "thing" there were numerous steps in between. At first I figured well if it happens it does, if not no big deal. A kind of pie in the sky deal.

Well as it's working out, the situation has blew through nearly all those steps. The few remaining seem like a pretty sure deal. HOWEVER...there's one little dark gotcha. It's something that I cannot change and everything in me wishes I could change it...but i can't.

It may be the one thing that stops me from getting the "thing" I'm talking about. Just knowing that all the other steps are falling in line quite perfectly with the "dark gotcha" hanging over it like a threatening thunderstorm to a child's day outside makes me sick to my stomach. My emotional state has come through my physical state. I'm dark, weary, tired...my stomach is in knots...and I'm very to myself and moody.

If I end up on the other side safely...I will be basking in pure emotional sunshine. Life turns a new chapter. If I don't I will have to deal with an extreme dose of regret.

Amazing how much contrast there is going on inside this soul these days... *sigh*

PS - I promise to blog the outcome either way.